the quiet revolution...some christians 'get it'

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For all my complaining about the church - here is one that gets it.

Funny how revolutionary the true message of Jesus really is.

hope in sorrow...making sense of lent

I haven't consecrated anything this Lenten season. No commitments to abstain, no new habits, no rituals.

This Sunday at the small gathering of Christians I attend - the discussion was on Cain and Abel, and this place called the Land of Nod.

I feel as though I am already in the land of Nod, so I really don't feel led to give anything up for Lent. I don't really need any extra reminders that would cause me to be solemn, introspective, or filled with that sense of dread (that only comes from knowing that the cross looms just ahead in Jerusalem).

At the close of the gathering communion was taken. I slid out of my seat and into the path of those coming forward to accept the bread and wine of the Eucharist. But instead of joining them, I made my way outside to smoke a cigarette.

For some strange reason, I felt closer to Christ than if I were taking part in that mysterious ritual going on inside. I know this sounds odd - (some background: I'm not really a smoker and only enjoy an occasional cigar or a Djarum Clove cigarette) - Again, I know this is strange, but somehow the sweet taste of the clove reminded me of the goodness that I still feel exists in following Christ...while the deep burning of the smoke in my lungs reminded me that I am still here. I am still on this earth. I am still in that land, just East of Eden.

Its a place of wandering, of lonliness...and yet (as we were reminded) it is a place of Grace; the place where Cain was not simply punished, not just given a scarlet letter to make him a marked man. No, Cain was given a chance...Grace.

So during Lent this year, I hang my head with the heaviness of what I am experiencing. And yet, I have hope. I am not forgotten.

honesty

I think it would be somewhat torturous to know what everyone around you is thinking.

I also think that most of us would have this gift if it were ours for the taking. We want to know what everyone thinks about us - but could we handle the honesty?

I don't think so.

I wonder how many relationships are built of little white lies? Somehow they all form a version of the "truth" eventually...and yet, there is a small mixture of deceit in every supposedly honest relationship.

Why is it we want to hear the truth - even when we know the truth will hurt us? Why do we want all the details, even though we are sure that the details will be like tiny, burning paper cuts?

Of course, our reaction to pure honesty often results in the one being open saying something like, "I wish I had never told you."

And inside we feel that too.

But we still want to know, don't we.

Ignorance is bliss I suppose. But who wants to live that way?

relationships

I fancy myself a pretty open person...and I think that I have become more open as life continues to evolve around me. So it shouldn't shock anyone that regularly reads this blog that I would feel comfortable using it to vent about some very personal things. BUT in the interest of protecting those who would like more privacy than I require - I'll keep this vague enough that only those who already know fully will completely understand.

I am suffering from some pretty serious relationship issues right now. And I am learning that emotions and feelings can be very complex things.

I think when two people connect - on some deeply mysterious spiritual/emotional level - that its not only miraculous (not to mention beautiful) but its also incredibly fragile.

Do you feel like I feel?
Will you feel like this tomorrow?
Where do I stand with you - now - later?
Do you feel this way about someone else?
Where is this going - what will come of this?

Its as if there is this dance we do with our words and personalities. When the movements follow a common rhythm, when our feet are in step - its the most gorgeous thing imaginable. But when one of us breaks stride or the music begins to fade...it can be the most painful experience.


I just want to say: I miss you. I miss what I thought we had - where I thought we connected. The dance seems over before it ever began. I don't know which one of us is to blame for stepping away from the dance floor...

...

The Sermon We Forgot to Preach...

Imagine my surprise when I read that the president of the company involved in the Peanut Scandal was from Lynchburg, VA - my old stomping grounds and home of my Alma-mater, Liberty University.

Mr. Stewart Parnell apparently wasn't heavily involved in Lynchburg's business scene. The media have painted him as a bit of a recluse - quietly managing his family run business from a converted garage in an upscale neighborhood near Bedford.

The short of it - for those who aren't newshounds - is that Parnell chose profit above ethics in deciding to ship out contaminated peanut products that sickened hundreds and killed 9. His salmonella laced peanuts were shipped to school children and nursing homes - in spite of the fact that lab tests showed positive resluts for the bacteria.

Mr. Parnell is a classic example of old-fashioned greed.

News reports have indicated that there were some distributors who had long ago decided they just couldn't work with Parnell. He used minimum wage labor, the cheapest sub-grade peanuts he could find, dirty ill-kept buildings, and would "aggressively" seek out other business owners who were struggling so that he could provide the "service" of taking old or low quality peanuts off their hands. But then - isn't that the story of many successful businesses.

As Parnell raked in the millions, he never could have guessed that his unethical methods of doing business would end up costing him everything. Reminds me of some of the things Jesus had to say about greed.

I wonder if Parnell is a church going man? Somehow, I think even if he was - he would still have been able to enjoy most church services guilt free. Yes, he could sit through many sermons preached by most churches and still felt confident that he was a "good businessman". (by the way, this is how Kyle Falwell, manager of Falwell Aviation described Parnell)

I am amazed at how often Jesus talked about the pitfalls of wealth and power and yet we ignore these teachings on a weekly basis. I wonder how many other "good businessmen" attend church regularly and still pay their employees as little as they possibly can? I wonder how many of these fine Christian men secretly cut corners to maximize profit? I wonder if they go to bed at night thinking that it is God who has blessed them in their finances?

I don't really know if Stewart Parnell ever went to one of the thousands of churches in Lynchburg. If he did, maybe its also possible that his pastor truly was faithful to the Scriptures but Parnell just didn't pay attention. I don't really know....but one thing is certain -

there are 9 people dead because of a business man's sin. that sin is called greed.

towards a theology of being

So moving past my last two posts - that were basically just emotional/spiritual rants and frustrations with God - I am trying to come to a personal consensus (between my mind and spirit) on who I am as a person of faith.

I think that at times I need to take my own advice.

Earlier I had posted about my life-long struggle with doubt, and I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't really necessary for me to erase all doubts because (1) God made me this way, (2) the Scriptures are full of folks who second guess God and are still said to have great faith, and (3) that true faith is really more about belief shown in action rather than simply an empty "truth" claim with nothing to back it up.

So taking these thoughts into the issues that I am having with reconciling the nature of God (as all loving and all powerful) with the problem of suffering - perhaps I can say that faith really isn't there to provide all the answers, that God is big enough to have us ask questions, and that being angry with God is OK.

Once again, if I look at the Scriptures I see a pattern of those who continue to follow God while maintaining this tension of expressing their anger toward Him. David pours out his heart in the Psalms, complaining that God seems absent or that good people suffer. Job finally gets frustrated with his predicament (that is basically a pissing contest between God and Satan) and he begins to demand that God show up and explain. Solomon laments that God has destroyed him - and even claims that life has no point and is meaningless. Jonah pouts when God doesn't reign down hellfire and brimstone on the pagan Ninevites (and we can feel sorry for Jonah - after all, isn't that how God normally handles those who are not His chosen?)

And those are just some of the most obvious examples. The Scriptures are full of those who have a love/hate relationship with their Creator.

Now, I am not saying that its "right" to be angry with God....I am simply pointing out that its Biblical!

While some of you may be content singing the old hymn:

Farther along we'll know all about it -
Farther along we'll understand why -
Cheer up, my brother, live in the sunlight -
We'll understand it, all by and by.

I for one cannot accept that. I want to know now. It angers me that I do not know. And yet, God is not obligated to say one thing to me. I scream at the Heavens and I am engulfed in silence.

So coming full circle - the point I am trying to make is that I understand that faith is not about answers. And somehow, without committing intellectual suicide, I will have faith that God really is good and that this really will work out. Until then, even in my doubt and frustration I have to ask myself - do I want to live like the God I desire to worship, or do I want to live like the God who frustrates me? All the more reason to love Jesus - complete love and compassion to the end...even when He cried out that God had forsaken Him.

am i an agnostic christian?

I haven't been blogging a lot recently.
Some of it has been business at work (in fact, I'm at the office right now and its 8:30 on a Saturday night...) But really I think that the biggest reason I haven't blogged has been the conflicted feelings going on in my heart/mind/soul.

Its been tough really. We came to Dallas to help start a church and then our plans were totally changed by life circumstances (or Divine plan) and now I am at this place where I am trying to figure out the who, what, and where of my future direction.

I'm listening to the Fray right now. Great new album. They played the House of Blues here in Dallas last month, but it sold out. Bummer. Jaime and I actually got to see them at Longwood college in VA a few years ago when no one had heard of them, so I guess that makes up for it.

I heard a radio interview when they were here in which they were asked about the circumstances that led to the writing of the song, "You Found Me". Above is the video, and here is a link to the lyrics:

http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_fray/you_found_me.html

I resonate deeply with this song and the questions I have for God.

For some reasons the answers I used to believe aren't making much sense any more. I realize its an old question, but if God is all powerful, and God is all loving, then why is there such suffering in the world?

Why does the God of the Old Testament order people to kill babies and children simply because they are foreign? Why does the God of the New Testament send Jesus to free us from sin and yet punish those who were unfortunate enough to have been born in a Muslim country to eternal, conscious punishment in Hell? Where was God when three MILLION Jews (including infants and young children) were sent to gas chambers or burnt alive in cremation ovens? Where is God when innocent women are raped and little boys have their arms chopped off in the Sudan? Where was God when the last earthquakes, hurricanes, and tsunamis buried elderly and helpless victims beneath dirt and water?

I'll be honest, I'm having a HARD time with this.

I firmly believe in God. I truly believe that the teachings of Jesus are the clearest example of a life filled with good and peace.

But unlike some of my friends, I cannot close my eyes to experience and what I see around me while trusting in a theology that says we will simply "know in the end"; one that preaches a blind trust in a sovereign God who has all of this worked out.

Anyway, I am curious as to your thoughts on this. I know that some will think I am blasphemous in even entertaining these questions. But I figure that God already knows how I feel about this, and so why hide it from you?

i don't believe in God, and God is fine with it.

I am a doubter.

I live in nearly constant, relentless, nagging doubt. I can pin-point certain times in my life where this has been nearly crippling - laying in bed at night wondering if what I focus my entire life on is really a fairy tale, or struggling to put together a sermon on Saturday night when I wasn't sure I even believed my own notes.

I do not understand those who have no doubts. Often, while I was a pastor, I would start Bible study discussions with, "Do you ever wonder..." only to be met by chirping crickets. It seemed as though I was the only one who just couldn't get past my unbelief. Of course, now I realize that most church folks are either (1) non-thinkers or (2) liars. So, I don't really envy the believers around me anymore.

In fact, I am learning to celebrate my doubt. I think God made me this way (when I believe in God!). Often I wake up in the morning as a follower of Jesus and I go to bed at night an atheist. Sometimes its the other way around. And sometimes - well, I will probably change my mind before the end of this post!

The other night I had an divine epiphany (or an enlightened idea). Hebrews 11 says this:

By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper
time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised

And yet Genesis says this:

Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"

So the way I figure it - God must find faithless people pretty faithful. I think that we all live in this tension. Even the people who claim to have no doubts certainly don't always behave as if there is a God. It all seems to be part of the human condition. If God truly wanted to leave us with no doubts then God could certainly clear all this up for us.

I'm learning. I think its just as amazing when I struggle with doubt as when I have none. Perhaps I have wasted a lot of energy trying to rid myself of these feelings when instead I should continue to live out the teachings of Jesus. After all, isn't that true belief?

Maybe even on my most atheistic days, when in spite of my doubt I help someone in need I am living out the words to Thomas, "Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed."

The Day After

The Damour family will celebrate the Holiday Season a bit different this year. Christmas will be forever changed for the family of the man trambled by "savage" Wal-Mart consumers.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27955316/

I wonder how much the people were able to purchased the "Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798" from Wal-Mart will enjoy it today?

Of course, we all ignore the lives that are lost or kept in poverty because of put purchasing decisions this Christmas. Before buying that next gift, I wonder if we could ask ourselves:

(1) What living and working conditions am I supporting through this purchase?
(2) Does my friend/family member really NEED this?
(3) Where will they put it?
(4) Where will it be a year from now?
(5) Is there a way I can say "I love you" that doesnt invlove adding more junk to the landfill?


just some thoughts.

the common good...

Last year I had the privilege of attending Sojourners Call to Renewal in Washington D.C. Along with amazing thinkers like Jim Wallis, Brian Mclaren, Shane Claiborne, Lynne Hybels, Freddie Haynes, Joel Hunter (who is pro-life and recently gave the Democratic National Convention opening prayer) - I was able to also see the three main Democratic contenders at that time; John Edwards, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama.

(By the way, I ran into and got to speak to Freddie Haynes this week as I was coming out of Whole Foods in Dallas...he is an awesome guy and was nearly chosen to be the next president of the NAACP, but alas he is a disciple of Rev. Jeremiah Wright's brand of black liberation theology and they couldn't stand up to the controversy.)

Anyway, I wonder if you might watch a clip of what I recorded that night from Obama (facebook readers will have to follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQTaaro_Vog -be prepared to turn up the volume -




What Obama is describing is a Christian view of "the common good". It really is a Biblical idea that turns Cain's question to God around:

"Am I my brother's keeper?"

And, of course, the answer is, "yes".

It also strikes at the very center of the central commandment, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

It is unfortunate that we as Christians often base our political philosophy more on Darwinism than we do on the words of Jesus. It is as if we have taken an extreme notion of "self reliance" and personal responsibility from the pages of On the Origin of the Species; preferring laissez-faire capitalism and survival of the fittest over "whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you do also to me."

The Common Good understands that when an individual in our society suffers, we all suffer. The homeless Vietnam veteran I encounter at the intersection near my apartment...is my problem. The single mother of the little girl that sits beside my son in kindergarten - who is unable to miss work for fear of being fired when her daughter is sick should stay home...is my problem. The 500 Dallas teachers who were just laid off. The families I know who are trying to live on minimum wage... These are my problems.

These "personal problems" affect us all.

We ask, "Am I my brother's keeper?" and God says, "Yes."

Often some of my friends will say, "Yes, but it isn't the governments job to __fill in the blank___".
Often, advances in what the "government" provides are demonized as "socialism". But I wonder, who do we think that the "government" is? In this representative Democracy aren't we the government? Isn't this supposed to be a government of the people, for the people, and by the people? If it is we who pay the taxes, we who elect our representatives who pass the laws, and we who are the true "deciders" - then aren't we really saying, "Yes, but it isn't MY job to __fill in the blank___."

Reminds me of another guy who was full of excuses..."Really, God, I mean, am I my brother's keeper???"

Yes, Cain, yes you are.

The next time your kid goes to a public school, you accept an educational grant or subsidised college loan, you collect unemployment benefits, you work 40 hours a week instead of 80, you drive on a public road, go to the mailbox and check the mail, ride in an airplane that doesn't collide into another one, drink water that didn't come from a well, eat out and don't get sick, enjoy the protection of the US military, visit a state park...be thankful that there are a lot of people who believe in the common good.

Now, of course I am not advocating that we sell everything we have and give it to the poor! That would be crazy! But I wonder if we might start taking some steps in the right direction by at least acknowledging that our neighbors problems affect us all...and then on a very local and personal level we do something about it.

The person with the broken down car that you pass in traffic is your neighbor - and his problem is your problem.

The family living with no health insurance - that's not just their problem.

Ahhhh - has Satan convinced you of the myth of scarcity? Do you really believe that there isn't enough to go around? There is - if each of us only takes what we need...but that's another post.

learning to live with less

I have been on a journey of less for the last two years. There have been stops along the way that have not been easy…or comfortable, but I think it is a divine journey – into the core of defining who I am as a human and who God is as deity. It has also been a journey into the uneasy place of knowing things need to change; with the world, with my family, with me.

I blame the journey (one of desire for a simpler way of living) on a deeper reading of the words of Christ, on books like Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, maybe even the shock of moving from rural to urban…and I would have to admit a very pragmatic need to spend less money because I have less money to spend.

In late 2006 we decided as a family to reduce our stuff. The battle cry was throw-away, give-away, or ebay. A conscious decision was made that we would no longer collect anything. All of the collectable figurines, glasses, antiques would have to go – they serve no purpose but to take up space, collect dust, and mystically make me feel “happier” simply because I own them.

In January 2007 I decided to see if I could spend an entire year without purchasing any new clothing. By December I had succeed. My only clothing purchases for the year were a couple shirts from second-hand stores and a pair of used sneakers.

This year, we moved to another state. After yard sales, trips to the goodwill, and many ads on craigslist we had reduced all of our belongings so that they all fit inside a 23 foot rental truck. Since the relocation I have made three trips to the pawn shop and even more purging has occurred. I am happy to say that we own less than when we moved. I plan on renting the smallest moving truck possible for the next move.

Two words describe how living with less feels and they are both synonyms: liberating and free. We Americans have become slaves to our own appetite, voracious consumers who never have enough. We need more and more every day. At the intersection of our desire for cheap products in quantities our grandparents could never have dreamed of are the poor in Indonesia who make our clothing and the impoverished in China who make nearly everything else.

I am often frustrated by the sentiment of some of my friends that there is nothing we can do about this. It is as if we have no choice at all in controlling our consumption. Whether it’s through a barrage of advertising that tells us we can never be happy until we have that product or the pride that forces us to compare what we own to that of others (and even the guilt we parents feel at not giving our children the “best”) we have been deceived. They (which is really us) have sold us into the slavery of consumerism.

For those of us who claim to be followers of Jesus – how different should we be living and yet…

I am far from perfect. Yesterday I made a pilgrimage to Ikea where we purchased a bathroom rug for $5, three cheap dog bowls for $0.59 each, and an $18 lamp for the living room. Of course I can arrogantly defend each of these purchases and still feel a bit of superiority to the other shoppers who were only buying junk they didn’t really need. After all, we are never the ones who are greedy are we?

I wonder if I can suggest a step in the right direction? I wonder if you might consider participating in this year’s Buy Nothing Day. Each year on “Black Friday” (the day after Thanksgiving) Americans celebrate the beginning of the season where we celebrate the birth of Christ by buying as much crap as possible. Why not try something different this year?

More on that in the next post.

I have a few thoughts I want to share with you regarding our new president.

First off, I have avoided saying who I was planning on voting for - although I'm pretty sure that most of you had already figured out who I supported. But a few days ago I decided to just come out and openly say that I was voting for Obama.

It wasn't that this was a particularly difficult choice for me...in fact, I voted for Obama in the primaries. But in my position as pastor for the past seven years, I felt uncomfortable showing partisanship and also realized that most of my friends and family were Republicans...and evangelical Christian conservatives to boot. I love my friends and care deeply for their opinions of me, so I was concerned that they would think less of me when they discovered I supported that "socialist, baby-killing, secret Muslim" Obama.

And, I was right for my concern - already one of my friends has questioned how I can even be a Christian while supporting Obama. Makes me sad.

So a few thoughts I want to share with them - and you:

First, we all need to realize that a lot of these issues (health care, immigration, taxes, foreign relations...) are not specifically "christian". I think that many of my friends forget that capitalism, free-markets, even democracy are not really issues that define how much you love Jesus. It is as if some of you think that a southern American who works in a non-union factory and supports gun rights somehow loves Jesus more than a man working in France and enjoying universal health care and all the government benefits his high taxes pay.

A lot of this comes from a myopic view of Christianity that drapes it in a flag and includes an elephant carrying a cross in its trunk. So, I wonder if we can agree that no political party should EVER own Jesus. I'm not so certain our Saviour would even vote - much less look to a republicans or democrats to be the true Christian party. God is so much larger than American politics.

So that leads me to say that yes, I support Barack Obama - and I am excited about his presidency. I truly pray that he is able to heal our nation and bring about some of the change he spoke of in his campaign. BUT do I believe that he is our savior? Of course not. In fact, one of the reasons I never put an Obama sticker on my car and really didn't openly brag about Obama before the election is because I realize that this guy is a man...and he is a politician.

I put a sticker on my car once before - and it said "Bush / Cheney". I believed he was the "christian" candidate and was enamoured with the idea of a "compassionate conservative" who would protect free-market capitalism while empowering religious groups to protect the poor. In eight years I learned that even people who love Jesus can willingly and knowingly twist the truth and really do nothing that backed up his supposed faith in the Prince of Peace. (read David Kuo's book "Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction" about how the Bush white house would invite evangelicals like Jerry Falwell to D.C. and then make fun of them when they walked out of the room). Needless to say...I will never be so naive as to think that one candidate is the protector of our morality and I hope to always be uncomfortable with politicians using Jesus to get elected.

Finally, I pray that my conservative friends would get some perspective on this. The sun came up this morning and it will keep coming up till the end of days.

• Abortions aren't likely going to go up any more than they did when we all voted for a "pro-life" president.
• John McCain and Barack Obama had virtually the same position on gay marriage so you can rest assured that your marriage is safe.
• For the gun rights folks - yes, Barack will probably re-sign the assault weapons ban, but you will still be able to go out and buy an arsenal of weapons and carry your firearm into wal-mart just as easily four years from now.
• We won't be pulling out of Iraq any time soon and the terrorists won't begin swarming into our country to have lunch with Obama.
• Your taxes will actually go down...I don't think I have any close friends who make over 250,000 a year.
• Most economists have said that the economy would rebound next year regardless of who we elected...so you don't need to hide your cash in your mattress.

In the end. It's OK. Everything is going to be fine. God is in control.

Am I excited that Barack Obama has made history? Yes.

Am I excited that there is a huge chance for hope in how the world views us? Yes.

Do I personally think this is a GOOD thing for our country? Yes.

But I remember that my King is not a man who wins democratic elections. He is a Saviour who willingly laid down his life so that I might live. I serve a Kingdom not of this world.

mccain plays with fire...

If you haven't already seen the clip of Mccain getting booed at his own rally this week, here is is:



and in case you didn't see this one - its a bit worse.




Whould we be suprised? What the McCain campaign has been doing is stoking the fires of fear...and when people actually start listening to what they have been saying, they should expect to get burned.


And the fault doesn't just lie with those directly involved in the campaign. How many emails have we all seen where Obama is shown in a Muslim outfit, or not holding his hand over his heart, or some other silly message designed to make you believe that Obama is not like you and should be feared.

This week, a co-worker (college educated, Baptist, who voted for Clinton in the primaries) actually asked me as a former pastor this week - she was serious, and this was a real question - did I think Obama may be the anti-christ. (again, I'm not kidding - she really wanted to know)

from MSNBC:

At two McCain rallies last week, individuals introducing the candidate referred
to the Democratic nominee as "Barack Hussein Obama," emphasizing his middle
name. Former Oklahoma governor Frank Keating called him a "man of the street."

(by the way, I wonder how many "men of the street" Gov. Keating knows who have graduated from Columbia University, Harvard Law School and were also president of the Harvard Law Review????)

Why is it that we feel the need to HATE those we disagree with?

This isn't a problem that is confined to conservatives for sure. There have been some pretty nasty things said about Palin, for example. The left wants you to think she is an ignorant bimbo who you need to fear because she will impose her judeo-christian values on the nation and take away women's rights. It seems as if no party has a monopoly on using fear to motivate the masses.

Could it be possible - that Barak Obama is really a decent family man (as John McCain said), that he is a Christian who really believes he is following the teachings of Jesus...AND that Sarah Palin is a sincere and intelligent Christian woman who really wants the best for our country...? Isn't that more likely than the stereotyped caricatures we have built up about these people?

Maybe it would be wise for us to focus on issues. Perhaps you could do your part by not giving in to the racist and angry comments of your friends and family. Maybe it would be a good idea to correct your liberal friends when they belittle Sarah Palin by making sexist comments.

If only the campaigns would do the same.

------------------

and by the way - what if Obama really WAS Muslim? Who cares? but...that's another blog post.

on being alone...

I have experienced a lot of loneliness lately.

Yes, I get to spend a few hours every afternoon with my kids, and my wife and I have a handful of chill periods (when she isn't working and the kids are finally in bed)...but moving to Dallas has put me in a spot I am not used to.

I am not used to being alone.

Its funny how much you take for granted your community. There was always a steady stream of people coming in and out of our house when I was a pastor. These people weren't just my congregation - they were our friends. Some of us didn't really have a lot in common, but there was still this mysterious thing that bound us together.

I miss the Halo parties, the movie nights, the "lets cook some Thai food" times, wake-up-the-neighbors-with illegal fireworks-get-togethers. I miss the Cavalier and grabbing a beer with some good conversation...going to see a good show and coming back with ringing ears...talking theology at Starbucks...

The pastor at the church we have been attending said something a few weeks ago that really struck me. He defined the worst aspect of Hell to be a lack of relationships.

Being alone.

Being alone is hell.

This keeps coming back to me - as if God wants to show me something or help me work through something.

Someone said a few weeks ago - "poverty isn't really about a lack of resources, its about a lack of relationships."

I feel impoverished right now - and need your prayers. There is so much that goes into this - and this blog seems so inadequate to explain it.

There is a proverb in the Bible that says "A friend must show himself friendly". And perhaps that is really the lesson here. Maybe I am at least somewhat to blame. I bet there are a lot of people I have ignored who just needed a friend. I wonder how many people I pass every day that are lonely.

ahhhhh - redemption is always mutual, isn't it?

Why Pro-Life Christians Still Have a Hard Decision on November 4th

I was bothered by Barack Obama's answer to Rick Warren when asked about abortion.

Warren: Now, let’s deal with abortion; 40 million abortions since Roe v. Wade. As a pastor, I have to deal with this all of the time, all of the pain and all of the conflicts. I know this is a very complex issue. Forty million abortions, at what point does a baby get human rights, in your view?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think that whether you’re looking at it from a theological perspective or a scientific perspective, answering that question with specificity, you know, is above my pay grade.

I'll be honest. I cringed when Obama put it that way. Above his pay grade??? Ouch. Many people, like myself, find the issue of abortion to be one of the most (if not the single most) important moral issue of the last 30 years. While I truly resonate with Obama when he talks about America's need to focus on the needs of others and that his assertion that we need to obey the call of Jesus when He tells us to protect "the least of these", I wonder how is it that Barack cannot bring himself to make a judgment call on when life begins.

I think most everyone would say that in a scientific sense, "life" begins at conception. The moment a sperm and egg join and the first division of cells occurs - well, that's life.

Is it a "human" life, or more directly, does it have a soul? Well, Barack is correct - that is a spiritual question...and to be fair, one we Christians haven't always answered in the same way we do now. For most of human history, people have believed that babies have souls upon "quickening"; that is, the moment the mother first feels a baby kick. In fact, we still use the term "quickening" even though it originally meant "to become alive". (Think of its KJV Biblical usage; ie. "judge the quick and the dead". )

Obviously this brings us back to science, because (unlike most of human history) we now can detect pregnancy sooner than even the first missed period. Also, ultrasounds are now so common that nearly every mother in America has a blurry black and white picture of a little 10 week old bean shaped fetus...with the word "baby" typed in beside of it.



By the way, 10 week ultrasounds don't really even serve much of a medical purpose (unless there is a complication). They are actually more of a psychological aid - Dr's use them as an unspoken way to encourage women to begin eating right and taking care of themselves. The idea is that if a woman can actually see that she has a new life growing inside of her, that she is more likely to take charge of having a healthy pregnancy. (I suspect they are trying to also pay for that expensive ultrasound equipment as well!)

So we are now aware that long before a baby is felt kicking, she has movement, brainwaves, a heartbeat...

All this to say that Barack Obama's answer to Rick Warren was not only disappointing...but it was nearly insulting. Above his pay grade??? I'm pretty certain that any minimum wage mother who is even a month pregnant would be quick to tell Obama that what she has inside of her is a human life. I guess A Harvard Law degree and a net worth of $1.3 million don't pay for much.

But then there is the rest of his answer:

OBAMA: But let me just speak more generally about the issue of abortion, because this is something obviously the country wrestles with. One thing that I’m absolutely convinced of is that there is a moral and ethical element to this issue. And so I think anybody who tries to deny the moral difficulties and gravity of the abortion issue, I think, is not paying attention. So that would be point number one.

But point number two, I am pro-choice. I believe in Roe v. Wade, and I come to that conclusion not because I’m pro-abortion, but because, ultimately, I don’t think women make these decisions casually. I think they — they wrestle with these things in profound ways, in consultation with their pastors or their spouses or their doctors or their family members. And so, for me, the goal right now should be — and this is where I think we can find common ground. And by the way, I’ve now inserted this into the Democratic party platform, is how do we reduce the number of abortions? The fact is that although we have had a president who is opposed to abortion over the last eight years, abortions have not gone down and that is something we have to address.

WARREN: Have you ever voted to limit or reduce abortions?

OBAMA: I am in favor, for example, of limits on late-term abortions, if there is an exception for the mother’s health. From the perspective of those who are pro-life, I think they would consider that inadequate, and I respect their views. One of the things that I’ve always said is that on this particular issue, if you believe that life begins at conception, then — and you are consistent in that belief, then I can’t argue with you on that, because that is a core issue of faith for you.

What I can do is say, are there ways that we can work together to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies, so that we actually are reducing the sense that women are seeking out abortions. And as an example of that, one of the things that I’ve talked about is how do we provide the resources that allow women to make the choice to keep a child. You know, have we given them the health care that they need? Have we given them the support services that they need? Have we given them the options of adoption that are necessary? That can make a genuine difference. *emphasis mine.

A few things strike me about the rest of his answer.

First, he points out the need to find common ground.

I think most of us can agree that regardless of who becomes president, four years from now, abortion will still be legal. Reagan was pro-life, the first Bush was pro-life, and the second Bush is pro-life...and yet, there has not been one significant step toward overturning Roe v. Wade or outlawing abortion at the federal level. I suspect that this is because, while the majority of Americans want abortion to be rare - very few actually want it to be illegal. Republican politicians have learned that all they need to do is pander to the conservative evangelical Christian base of their party during election time, and then ignore the abortion issue once they get elected - and we will send them back to Washington to do nothing every time. Because, "Hey, he's pro-life!!!" Obama addresses this when he points out that we have had a "pro-life" president for 8 years and abortions have gone UP!

So, yes, we need common ground. Abortion isn't going away so what can the common ground be on an issue that seems so black and white? I think Obama gets it right when he says we need to work together to reduce the number of abortions.

Tony Campolo, in a recent blog said the following:

If 10 children are drowning in a swimming pool, and you can only save six of them, should you save the six? Or, should you wait until help arrives that can save them all, even if you know that the six you could save will be lost in the meantime?

So are we willing to work with those who may hold different beliefs about "choice" in order to actually find the common ground and save lives in the process? Or will we hold dogmatically to our religious and political stance even if it means we sacrifice the unborn - all in the name of being "right"?

On the other hand - John McCain is very clear that he stands on the other side of the abortion issue from Barack Obama. Answering the same question he said:

MCCAIN: At the moment of conception. (APPLAUSE). I have a 25-year pro-life record in the Congress, in the Senate. And as president of the United States, I will be a pro-life president. And this presidency will have pro-life policies. That’s my commitment. That’s my commitment to you.

I applaud McCain's willingness to clearly state when life begins (although it probably didn't take much courage in Warren's predominantly Republican church). But Obama's words still haunt me. Haven't we had a "pro-life" president in the Whitehouse for 8 years and hasn't the number of pre-born babies killed actually increased over that time?

What does McCain mean when he says that his administration will have "pro-life" policies? If, in fact, our goal is to reduce the number of abortions, and we realize that poverty is the number one increaser of abortion, then wouldn't making health insurance available to people of all income levels be a "pro-life" policy? And wouldn't complete funding of the State Chidrens Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) be a "pro-life" policy? Would it also not be a "pro-life" policy to encourage comprehensive sex education - when we have found that the conservative "abstinence only" curriculum doesn't work any better than the liberal teach-everything-but abstinence programs?

I have stated in previous posts that it seems as if many religious conservatives are willing to allow more abortions because they are afraid that their children will have sex if condoms are available in school. There are times when our ass backward stubbornness defies common sense!

Finally, I really feel as though pro-life Christians have a difficult choice in November because the pro-life issue has been too narrowly defined.

I know many pro-lifers who draw a direct correlation between evolution being taught in school and the disregard our society seems to have for human life. The theory is that if students are taught that we are nothing more than evolved monkeys, then no wonder we do not care for the unborn.

But a consistent ethic of life would also question how our acceptance (or even praise) of war cheapens life. If we brush aside the thousands of innocent children who have died in Iraq as simply collateral damage - don't we make it even easier for a woman to end the life growing inside her.



This is a complex issue; one that needs to be removed from the partisan politics of Republican vs. Democrat.

I am sad that Barack Obama feels that it is above his pay grade to decide when life begins...but I am equally saddened that John McCain doesn't seem to understand what being pro-life should really mean.

who i will vote for this november...

I have tried to talk very little publicly about who i will be voting for this November. Just a few months ago (when I was a pastor) I felt that it was a little inappropriate for me to appear partisan. During the primary season I refused to tell all but my closest friends who I had cast a vote for. To be honest, I had no idea who I was even voting for until I pulled into the parking lot of my polling place.

Before I spill the beans, let me give a bit of history:

I am a card carrying member of the Republican party. My paternal grand-father was a southern Democrat. My maternal grandfather was and is a staunch Republican. My Father voted for Nixon in his first presidential election and later voted for Reagan.

As a family, we were heavily involved in the pro-life, anti-homosexuality, white evangelical movement of the 80's. We were part of a Focus on the Family "Community Impact Committee", travelled to DC twice for the March for Life on the anniversary of Roe V. Wade and I organized "See You at the Pole" rally's at my high school.

So it was a given that when I registered to vote, that it would be as a Republican and that I have voted for both Bush's. It wasn't even that long ago that my wife and I drove around with a Bush/Cheney poster covering up our back windshield. At that time, there wasn't even a hesitation that I, as a pastor, should be a bit slower to advertise my favorite candidate.

To make a very long story short...my politics have changed about as dramatically as my spiritual understanding has. It follows this pattern:

(1) I started hiking and fell in love with nature, read a lot of Sierra Club propaganda and started wondering why the party that supposedly cares so much for the Creator show so much disregard for the protection of the Creation.

(2) I started re-reading and teaching the Bible verse by verse and realized that there are 3,000 verses about Justice and Poverty Issues that I have never heard a single sermon on.

(4) A friend "came out" to me and I began looking at the issue of homosexuality in a personal way for the first time.

(5) Like many Christians who have attached their faith to a political party - the war in Iraq has caused me to ask some very hard questions...

So here I am, less than two months away from another presidential election and I have a choice to make.

Who am I voting for?

• I will vote for the candidate who places priority on making sure that children have access to adequate health services.
• I will vote for the candidate who rejects torture as a means of national security
• I will vote for the candidate who's policies will actually reduce the number of abortions in this country
• I will vote for the candidate who's energy policy puts respect for Creation over the profits of oil companies
  
• I will vote for the candidate who's tax plan gives the most relief to the poor and lower middle class.
• I will vote for the president who will value diplomacy as the first step towards peace...rather than sanctions, threats and missiles.
• I will vote for a candidate who attempts to craft trade policies that would protect workers' jobs here in the United States while making it clear that our purchasing power should reflect our values.

more to come...

she's STILL beautiful.

She has treated me very poorly. In fact, I have been hurt more by her than I can imagine the 'world' mistreating me.

Of course, there are many many reasons why I should run from this love affair...wise up and realize that there will be more pain in the future, more disappointment, more broken promises. And yet, I continue to fall at her feet. I am her servant - her defender - one of her shepherds.

I often find myself having a judgmental attitude towards those who used to be friends (lovers?) to the Church and now reject her because they feel wronged in some way. Its not that I somehow discount their pain or believe that they have suffered any less wrong than I have...rather, I simply cannot understand how someone who would claim to follow Jesus (who literally died for the Church) could reject something He loves so dearly. Should I not love the things He loves?

I am drawn to her. I cannot let her go. She is in my bones.

I realize that

• the Church is full of fragile, incomplete human beings...at least as wicked as myself.
• there are many who attend a building we call "the church" who are in fact, not true members of the Church at all - in that, it cannot be said that they have ever committed themselves to following Christ.
  
• regardless of how she treats me - I am committed to her. I have said my vows, I have taken the pledge - not to a building, but to a Savior. He commands me "not to forsake". His loves compels me to serve. If I love Him...
  
• The Church is the central place (outside of my own family) where I can practice the attributes of God. Where better to learn grace, than with a group of people who require it? Where better to learn forgiveness than with those who have wronged me? It is within the walls of these relationships that I become more like my Creator.
• Hypocrites? Oh yes, and I forgot....am I not one as well?

She can be such a whore. Hurting me, lying to me, lying about me, kicking me when I am down, passing by on the other side when I am injured, even bringing lawsuit against me...

And yet - this week I will stand beside her, sing praises with her, confide my secrets in her, give her my time, my service...

in SPITE of herself....in spite of ME....she is still so beautiful.

comfort(able)

we've been in dallas for almost two months now. it's been a big change for all of us. i'm realizing more and more how sheltered my life has been. but i feel like i'm learning a million new lessons every day (think: neo with kung-fu downloaded to his brain in less than 30 seconds.....ok....got it.)

one of the things that's been taking me longer to digest are these issues of wants, needs, and what it really takes for me to be satisfied.

we moved to dallas sight-unseen, got an apartment using the Internet, moved to texas having never been there. the area we moved to is very different from anywhere we have ever lived. at our last house, for example, i took pride in my little organic garden and proudly posted my faux-antique "hippies use the side door" sign - right next door to my rural neighbors living in their run-down trailer park...now, in dallas, we live in one of a hundred neat concrete blocks with swimming pools, tennis courts, beamers and lexuses, and a country club with work-out facilities.

don't get me wrong...i really can't afford all these comforts. in fact, i'm jobless, and if everyone i owe money to came to collect...well, let's hope that doesn't happen any time soon.

but it really gets me thinking about what we require to be satisfied.

food.

shelter.

love.

it's really so much more complicated than that, isn't it? i mean, food - cheap food is bad for you, have you noticed that? and really...how much off-brand mac and cheese can your kids eat before they turn orange?

and shelter - i've noticed one major thing about summer in the big 'D'...it's hot. so, my last electricity bill was $280. should i turn up the a/c? am i fine with it being a little warmer in the apartment?

all of these things (so much more, of course) are a part of this balance of wants and needs. what exactly is comfort? and what do i need to have to be comfortable? not to mention how complicated the question is when you add your family to the equation. how much do i give my kids to satisfy their wants? do i carry unnecessary guilt for not providing more 'things' for my wife?

------

the other night i sat out on the balcony with a smooth imported belgian beer and some great chips and texas salsa. in spite of the bills, being jobless, and worries about paying next months rent - i felt like God was speaking to me. "this is the life." God said. "you've got it made."

God is right, you know? we do our best to figure out the balance...what really is comfort(able)...i don't have the answer. but i think i'm figuring it all out.

thoughts?

just outside knoxville - the boat times with ben...

we've been mucho busy in dallas since we got here - so I'm behind on my posts - plus i had some trouble posting this to youtube for some reason....

hopefully ill have time this afternoon to catch this blog up to date.

Oh - and yes, 'the boat times is a reference to Old Greg'...google it.

Lynchburg to Dallas (part one)

here are some videos i've been making along the way: